1457 - Christmas Assumptions

Christmas is over, and it's now New Year's Eve. I'm excited because I'm actually able to write on the proper day this time. I'm getting a bit tired of writing though, as my last entry was quite long - and this one may be too. Fortunately, the eventless, boorish month that is January will soon be here.

Monday was Christmas Day. I hadn't slept very well, so I was tired when I finally got up around ten. I'm not the getter-upper-at-six-and-open-all-my-presents type, so I wondered downstairs and went straight to the back door to see if Fluffy, my parents' cat, was there. He was, and he came inside for a few minutes before scurrying back to the door, eager to again sit outside in the cold and rain.

As usual, Mum rushed me into the living room to open my stocking. And, also as usual, it had overflowed into a Sobey's bag. I felt like telling her that we shouldn't be buying each other so much that the stockings overflow - I mean, these aren't small socks - they're hand-knit (by my grandmother) big-assed bags that are two feet long and about six inches wide. They make good sleeping bags for babies, and we once had one stolen by a stork. Dad got up and came downstairs shortly after I started opening my stocking.

The stocking had the requisite lottery tickets sticking out of the top. It had a bottle of soap, shampoo, TWO sticks of deodorant I really didn't need... do my parents think I'm a dirty person? At least there wern't gift certificates to a hair studio. It had chocolates (Ferrero Rocher, Quality Street, Toblerone and a huge slab of Superstore chocolate). I'm sure it had a few other things I really didn't need as well.

Dad opened his stocking and found many of the same useless items he gets every year. Mum had already opened hers, of course. It had the same useless items she gets every year too.

After the stocking, Mum rushed us into opening our presents so that we could be finished in time to go pick up my grandmother. We fired through them pretty quickly - again there was far too much. I felt bad for Mum, as her pile was half the size of either of mine or Dad's. She'd repeated for weeks that she didn't want anything for Christmas, and my Dad took that as gospel. I too felt broken by the pressure we're under year after year to find nice things for her when she gives us no clues. She did really like the deluxe tea candles I picked out for her - the only item Dad and I purchased for her on our one trip to find her presents this year. Otherwise there wasn't much exciting for her. Our Bosnian friends from Ottawa sent her pyjamas - the top was XXXL, and the three of us could've fit into it. The bottom would've been tight on my skinny-as-a-rake aunt. She did get TWO coats, but she'd picked them out herself and they were upstairs in a closet. And she got Il Divo tickets for herself and Dad (she'd woken me up one morning in November so I could order them).

Dad always does well for Christmas, as he's easy to buy for. He got the usual shirts, magazines, CDs, DVDs and some Elvis items (this year, chocolate and a trivia game). He has a habit of examining every item in detail, and this angers Mum as she wants to get everything opened so she can clean up the mess.

Finally, there was me. I got an awesome piece of metallic art portraying a deranged, vicious rabbit - it is hillarious! I felt bad about it though, because I'd robbed JW of the opportunity to get it for me. I'd thought that maybe it was too expensive for her, and I really wanted it. I even thought of buying it for myself, but instead my parents got it on a shopping trip for me. I also got a rice cooker that I'd asked for, as I'm FINALLY almost through a huge box of terrible minute rice (it's been years). Now I can go buy some real rice and cook it right - maybe that will take my famous stir-fries to the next level? I also got a golf club that I'd picked out on my own and put on reserve at Joe-Mac Golf. Dad had picked it up while I was in Seattle. I suppose there was some surprise in it, as he might've forgotten to pick it up.

I got the second of the two pictures I'd picked out at the Dalplex craft show in November (I bought the first myself). It's the one I liked the most, so I felt like it was best to keep it from myself until Christmas. That reminds me, I have to hang those up today, along with a *yuck* golf calendar (more on that later). I got three DVD sets, each of which I'd picked out, though I didn't really expect them all. They were: a Hulk Hogan DVD set, the Animated Star Trek series (been waiting for this for 20 years) and the fourth volume of the Looney Tunes sets (perhaps the most prized sets in my collection).

I got a sushi set. I love sushi, and it's cheap and easy to make, so why not? Yes, I asked for this as well. It came with two dishes, two soy sauce mini bowls, a few roll-out mats, seaweed, and chopsticks. I'm going to try to make some avacado sushi, to try to get JW into it. I'm not sure if she can even tolerate me eating fish sushi, but if she can, the avacado sushi may be a way for me to get her out for sushi so I can have a good feed.

I got a new, desperately-needed bathroom reader. And yes, I did get a few things I hadn't expected (not the sweater I'm currently wearing, though): a couple of different t-shirts from the Bosnians, a nice long-sleeved (it fits!) shirt, and some miscellaneous items for the house.

So yes, as you can see, Christmas is a bit retarded at my house. We get too many things for each other. Every year, we say we're going to cut back, but it never seems to be that way. I guess we have in a way, because no one really gets big ticket items like they used to. Also, there are rarely surprises, something JW has made me more conscious of this year. It was especially driven home in that I got even fewer surprises this year than usual. The gift-opening portion of Christmas was quite uninspired (sorry Sobey's). I suppose I should mention (since I'll have forgotten by the next time I read this) that Sobey's' slogan this season is "Have an inspired Christmas." I think they've just given up on slogans that have meaning.

After the gift-opening flurry, I left to pick up my grandmother. When we got back, we had lunch. As is traditional on Christmas Day, we had miscellaneous appetizers - cheeses, crackers, egg rolls, little burrito-like things, mini quiches (sp?) and of course rum-laden egg nog. Once again this year, I later found that my love of these snacky lunches had ruined my dinner (yes, dinner). After lunch, my grandmother opened her gifts. During the opening, JW called and we had a quick chat. Afterward, she sat down to dinner (yes, dinner), and I went back to continue watching my grandmother open her gifts.

JW called again after the eating, and I headed out to meet her at her parents' house, so we could exchange gifts. I must've been in a weird mood. I was excitied to see her, and I absolutely flew on the highway, averaging about 140. About half way there, I had a thought that her parents' house was located out along Cobequid Rd. I thought about it some more, and I decided that we'd (JW and I) only gone out that way in the past to visit a Frenchy's in the area. We had more often gone toward Beaverbank Rd, which is close to her church (including the ice cream hut where she used to work). I got a thought of her giving me directions to the ice cream hut mixed up with directions to her home, and so I got into the left lane heading toward Beaverbank Rd. This made me feel like I was going the right way. I knew she didn't live in Beaverbank, but I figured her area was just a little further out. Twenty minutes of driving at high speeds convinced me otherwise. I passed the Cat's Cradle, a type of cat hotel. I remembered JW and I having talked about it, so even at that point I thought I might've been going the right way. However, by the twenty minutes, I was quite sure that I'd gone much too far and that her road was not that far from Sackville Dr. I was absolutely furious. I had very little time before I needed to get back for my Christmas dinner, and I'd wasted a good chunk of it being stupid. By the time I'd turned around, it was dead obvious to me that her parents' house was out Cobequid Rd. I wondered how I could've mixed the two up. I found a road connecting Cobequid to Beaverbank, and I took it. I passed Sackville High School and in my madness assumed I'd now seen JW's high school. It is VERY close to her parents' house, but so is her actual high school, as I now recall that she showed me where it is (approximately) once.

Anyway, in the fullness of time, I found the house and went inside. My mind was racing and I couldn't hide my feelings. It is very rare for that to happen (not so much anymore, I guess), and I surprised myself a bit. I was short with JW and even shorter with her parents. They actually later said they thought I was scared to death of them, when in fact I actually felt quite comfortable, except for my racing mind and heart.

JW and I sat down on the couch in the living room, and her parents left us alone to open our presents (as they later pointed out), though they were certainly within earshot, so technically, they hadn't. I found it difficult to focus on the presents, though I gradually calmed down. We took turns opening. JW gave me another one of the metallic pieces of animal art - this time it was an equally-angry dog or wolf with wings. The two are now facing off on my downstairs mantle. She also gave me a Thai cookbook, though I'd been discouraged as of late due to the inavailability of fresh ingredients. I suppose I could try an Asian store! She gave me a Canadian quote book that I've already thoroughly enjoyed - I've even added a couple of the quotes to my Web site. It says on it that it is intended for the bathroom. I think my self-deprecating humour has come back to bite me, as I got three bathroom-related reading articles for Christmas in total. I've played up the fact that I have to have something to read in the bathroom, which has gotten me quite a few laughs. I've been known to read the backs of toothpaste tubes, receipts in my pockets, or even my own ID cards (in a pinch). So I guess I deserve it. I do like the subject matter in these books though, because it's always short and to the point. I don't have to invest a lot of time for my reward.

JW also got me some pot-holder thingys that even she admitted were an odd gift for me. I've stashed them away, likely never to be seen again ;) She also made me two excellent Christmas CDs, which I've been listening to pretty much since I got them. Finally, she gave the the dreaded golf calendar. For some reason, everyone thinks that because I love golf, I must love everything to do with golf. The truth is, golf merchandise is often tacky and unfunny. I don't derive much enjoyment from looking at a picture of a golf hole - I'd rather be playing it. Of course, I've never told JW this, so she couldn't know. The gift was thoughtful, and that's what counts. She does read these entries, and so now I've saved myself from such a fate in the future! I also HATE golf art. I hate golf jokes. I don't even like golf instructional books - you have to be taught by a person, in my opinion. My parents got me a golf joke calendar, and I read all the jokes in about one minute. Now it's as useless as the scrap paper in my recycling bin - perhaps more so. To me, the best type of calendar is an art calendar. If something is going to be on my wall for a whole month, I'm going to have to want to look at it. I don't really use calendars to schedule my life, because there is so little to schedule. So I need to have something to look at on it. Anyway, that's my calendar rant.

After we opened our presents, JW's parents flooded back into the room and I opened their present to me. It was a dip-keeper-colder. I don't know if I've ever served dip in my house before, but the day I do, I'm sure it will not be useful, because I'll be too lazy to fill it with ice. The mother's explanation was funny, though I didn't laugh of course, "We know you're health-conscious, so now you can leave dip out for a long time without it getting bad." I was thinking, "so yes, I can now just leave my dip out overnight, as I'm often tempted to do." It's not that difficult to put things back in the fridge, and if I don't, it's because the dip is gone. I like dip, right? People who know me know that such things do not go rotten :) Anyway, at least the mother TRIED to get me something different. And who knows, maybe it will be useful some day.

I gave the parents some chocolates, which they seemed excited about. At first I thought her father's reaction was, "these are going to make me sick", but I soon realized that it was more "these are dangerous to my diet!" JW and I went into the hallway and hugged a bit. She wasn't feeling well, unfortunately, so I tried to make her feel a bit better before I headed home.

I raced home and made it back in only eighteen minutes. A far cry from my forty-five minute trip out! I got home to find everyone there - my aunt, her boyfriend and son, and my cousin. After the obligatory questioning about JW from the boyfriend, I sat down before a sip of beer before being asked to help carve the turkey. I did so, and shortly after we sat down to dinner. As always, it was turkey, mashed potatoes, squash, peas, carrots and stuffing. There were cranberry sauce, beets and green onion chow as well. We all cracked our crackers and put on our hats. I got a key chain picture frame. JW later suggested that I put her picture in it, but I wouldn't want it soiling her image. What do you expect from a cracker though.

Oh yeah, there was also the appetizer course, which is a bowl of seafood salad - lobster, crab and a sauce. There is normally lettuce underneath, but Mum couldn't find the lettuce anywhere. It was delicious as always, as was dinner. I couldn't finish, as I was too full from lunch and pre-dinner snacks.

After dinner, the tea and dessert came. The dessert is always either rum cake or raspberry trifle, as always (or both!). My grandmother had forgotten the hard sauce for the rum cake, so we had to go with vanilla ice cream. The trifle has always been my favourite, and I might even like it more than cheesecake.

After dessert, everyone sat down in the living room and we played the Elvis trivia game. The boyfriend and Dad did most of the playing. I only knew one answer, but was too slow to come up with it. The game went over well - there was a lot of laughing and even some singing. I was again very tired, and I had trouble staying in the moment. I almost fell asleep a couple of times! It was terrible - I felt like my grandfather must've when he used to do the same.

After Elvis, everyone got ready to go home. I drove my grandmother home and came back to an empty house (except my parents). Mum went upstairs to relax, and Dad and I went downstairs. We watched police chases and car wrecks, and then Family Guy - the perfect choices to encourage Christmas cheer. I went to bed without staying up to watch the clock hit midnight for the first time in a long time.

I can't believe I just wrote that much for one day - good thing Christmas comes once a year I guess. That reminds me of a mug Mum showed me. I'd gotten it for her as a five-year-old. It said, "Santa comes but once a year... aren't you glad you're not Santa?" :) They said it took a lot of restraint at the time to keep from laughing in my face. There was no restraint this time around!

On Tuesday (Boxing Day), I sat around the house scratching lottery tickets, after a bacon-and-egg breakfast. After that, I packed a few things up and headed home. Dad came down shortly after, and we put up a new toilet paper holder in the bathroom, as the old one had broken. Dad left, and I believe I spent most of my free time writing in this accursed stimulator. I also put a few things away. I started getting calls from TA around four to come over and drink. HJ was already there. I finally broke down around six, and I headed over despite knowing that JW might like to come. I wasn't sure whether she'd even be back from her aunt's at a decent time, and I wasn't able to get ahold of her by phone. She called about an hour later, and I went over to her place to bring her to TA's.

The party was pretty good. ET and J were in town for the first time since last February, and it was good to see them. KOD were there, along with CD and one of Kim's friends. AN and AB were there, and later on CC showed up. One of DD's military friends was also there. So it was a good crowd, and the evening went pretty well. I hadn't eaten enough, and so I got drunk on very little liquor, and subsequently I've forgotten about many of the details. Fortunately, I put TA in charge of photography, so I have a visual record of the events, including a close up shot of CC's breasts and numerous shots of pretty much the only single girl there (KD's friend). There were even short videos (taken by accident) in which the poor girl accused TA of taking pictures of her breasts, to which he responded "You're not that good." Yes, TA, photgraphing a girl's breasts and then telling her "she's not that good" is always a good way to score points. "He died of shame."

ET and J and JW and I each called cabs at the end of the night, but neither of us was patient enough to wait for it to arrive. HJ also tried to bum a ride off JW and I, even though he was going in the opposite direction! JW and I decided to walk home, which was fun.

On Wednesday, we got up and lazed about for a bit before going to the mall. We exchanged a sweater I'd gotten JW for Christmas for one that fit. Then, we went up to Bayer's Lake *shudder* to look for a memory card for JW's camera. We got one at Radio Shack (NOT "The Source"), after failing to find one at Staples, Future Shop and Superstore. After that, we went for lunch at Dairy Queen, before going into Chapters. I went in for nothing, and came out with six books! I tried to make a wise crack when the cashier asked if I'd found everything I was looking for, but I guess the Boxing Day madness had already beat her soul out of her.

I got two hardcover books on Astronomy (which is good because there have been many updates since the last time I got one), a book on the Egyptians (for reading more about the things JW and I had learned about during our personal tour at the art museum), a Simpsons book for TA for Christmas, a Darwin's Award book for AN, and a book on acts of roguery for myself ;) I love the humour section at the bookstore - which is fortunate because I'm not too big on much else. I've always had a desire to buy lots of books, but I'm not sure where it comes from because I always rightly convince myself not to buy them, because I wouldn't read half of them.

JW bought a book (which is now in my possession) about dealing with depression. She thought it might help me with my shyness among other things. I read a few pages, and it seems to be written in a humourous fashion, so I'm looking forward to reading it. I have an interest in pyscology, but I've never really taken the time to explore it. Similarly, I think I have unexplored interest in philosophy as well. I should've taken one of those classes in school instead of Classics, that was taught in such a way as to remove any interest in the subject one might have had.

After Chapters, JW and I went back to her place. I proceeded to get my computer ready to be re-installed, while she did her own thing. Later on, we decided to order a pizza. I was out to prove that Donnini's pizza is excellent, while she was out to prove that it is crap. It turned out that we are both right. If you order an entire pizza from them, the toppings are plentiful and they go right to the edge. This is what we did. The prices are superb as well. However, if you want a slice, you basically get a piece of sparse desert (not dessert) that probably tastes as such.

After the pizza, we watched Better off Dead. It was a movie about a boy who continually tries to kill himself after his girlfriend leaves him for a better skiier. He eventually races the other skiier and beats him one one ski. The girlfriend comes running back, but he pushes her aside for another girl he has met who appreciates him. The movie only has a plot to hold together literally hundreds of jokes, puns and scenes of physical humour. The writers spared no jokes - it was like they put in every joke they could think of, figuring that everyone would appreciate at least a few of them and therefore like the movie. I did like it for just that reason - there were quite a few funny things about the movie. Some were REALLY funny. But at the same time, it had some of the worst comedy I've ever seen. Terrible one-liners, jokes that are revisited again and again (beat to death) and unfunny physical comedy (who'd've thunk it?) were common. I think it is a movie that I'd appreciate more if I were to see it again. It reminds me most of Team America. I thought Team America was VERY funny at first, but I later came to think that it was terrible (without seeing the movie again). I guess I'll have to see it to be sure.

On Thursday, we basically repeated what we'd done on Wednesday. This time, we went to the mall WITH JW's watch, and she got her watch strap. Then, we went downstairs in the mall where she bought a really nice long coat. She looked beautiful in it, especially with her scarf and long hair flowing down on it. I tried to limit my comments to her to avoid influencing her decision. She did buy it in the end - it was a great deal for a nice coat. Hopefully I'll get to see it soon... perhaps tonight?

After that, she mentioned that I might have to wear my suit New Year's Eve, so we went and bought a green dress shirt to go with my suit. One of the strangest meetings ever took place in the store. It turned out that we BOTH knew the cashier. I asked her a question, without realizing it. Then, as I realized it, I started to say that I recognized her from somewhere, when at the same time she and JW realized they knew each other from working at the theatre. Not realizing that she had started talking to JW, I cut in and said "But I know you from somewhere, too, right?" Then JW chimed in asking where we knew each other from, before talking with her a bit more. JW knew her better than I did, and I didn't say anything else to her.

After the mall, a terrible thing happened - we went to Winner's, so JW could spend a thirty-dollar gift card before it "expired." JW was there for about an hour an a half, picking through every piece of merchandise. I walked to The Bay to see if TA was there. I even got some groceries, but still she was there. Finally, it ended and we went back to her place.

I freshly installed everything on my computer, and she wrote in her blog and made some cards. I also watched the commentary for "Star Trek: Generations". It wasn't as good as it should've been. After that, we ate leftovers, before sitting down to watch "Dead Poet's Society". The movie was (not surprisingly) excellent. It was about a group of boys at a prestigious all-boys school. There were influenced by a free-thinking teacher who encouraged them to do the same. This encouragement, however, clashed with the strict environment of the school, and friction between the free-thinking and one of the boys' parents caused him to commit suicide. Of course, the teacher got blamed, and he was fired. However, the boys knew he'd done nothing wrong, and they supported him right to the end, acknowledging what he'd done for them. This is definitely a movie I'll see again at some point.

On Friday, I think JW'd had enough of me, and I wanted to get some things done at home, so after a late breakfast, I headed home. We were to have her friends over that evening anyway. At home, I put presents away and continued to work on last week's entry - isn't it terrible when writing the entry becomes the focus of my week? :)

I went back over to JW's around seven to find her in terrible shape. She'd assumed I wasn't going to have the car, and she needed to get to Upper Tantallon the next morning to meet with her teacher. She'd gotten a phone call during the week for a potential full-time position!!!! I was so happy for her. She was discouraged over how much work it would be, but she needs to do it. I can remember how terrible it felt to start working hard again from my university days - I'd work fifteen hour days, then suddenly be off for a month. Then, when classes started up again, I found even an hour's work to be daunting. I always got back into the swing of things after a while though. It's just that first hump. Anyway, JW called her brother for a ride to Upper Tantallon, and he chewed her out over always asking him for help. He told her she couldn't do anything on her own - that she was helpless. Of course, I was angry to hear this. I was angry that he'd made her feel bad, and I felt like he was overreacting. From what I'd heard over the months, she asks him for very little. I wanted to go over to his house and set him straight. Of course, I didn't. I figure that he's under a lot of pressure now, as he isn't going on a big field trip next summer due to money problems, and he's worrying about even feeding himself this term. He has a lot to deal with, and I think he just lashed out at JW from all the pressure. I don't think for a second he means what he said, and if he does, he has other problems to deal with.

JW was insistent that she deal with the problem herself, and she wouldn't even let me give her a hug (though she snuck one with her roommate). Maybe she doesn't like to feel vulnerable in front of me, because I help her out a lot. But I want to help her out and I don't feel like things are uneven at all - our realities are very different, financially, and she is my girlfriend. Still, it is good for her to deal with things on her own, and I understood why she didn't want me comforting her, though I was a bit angry at the time because I saw her as refusing the help she so much needed. In the end, things turned out alright, as I had the car and I was able to drive her.

Her friends (her best friend J and her husband) from Ottawa came over later on, and we had a good time. There were lots of treats, lots of stores and lots of laughs. Her friend seemed smart and quick. She seemed a little bit arrogant and American-ish (like she'd tell you when you're wrong about something), and she confirmed that a bit when she talked about how she can't tolerate stupid people. Stupid people seemed to be the dominant topic of the evening :) JW assured me afterward that she doesn't put people down. She used to play video games, and she likes Star Trek, so she is okay in my book. She's smart and funny. So I managed to avoid yet again chaffing with one of her friends. The husband was quite different - he seemed smart, but he had trouble focusing on the conversation, which he pointed out on numerous occasions. He danced around the room burning off excess energy. He seems fun though, and I didn't feel like I chaffed with him either. So, the evening was a success, and JW and I went to bed shortly after they left.

On Saturday, we got up and I drove JW to meet the teacher she is going to replace (at least for a while). I dropped her off, and went to Queensland beach. It was freezing, but the water wasn't frozen. I took some pictures with JW's camera, and I collected some beach glass, including the hard-to-find blue glass! After that, I explored a small island that I'd always wanted to find out about - turns out it is a single road with some houses on it. No beaches. Then, I explored the subdivision around the house of the teacher JW was visiting. Finally, I parked in front of the house to rest and wait.

When JW came out, I drove her to the grocery store where we both got a few things. I then dropped her off at home so she could get started on her work - she already had reading and marking to do! I felt bad for her losing a few days of her vacation, but then I remembered she'd had a few days extra at the beginning. I went home and became a master chef. I made broccoli salad, then a stir-fry for lunches next week, and then two huge vats of chili.

After that, I headed over to TA's. CA came over later on, as it was UFC night. We watched a bit of TV before heading down to the bar, where we had to STAND the entire evening. You have to get there really early to get a seat. I was extremely tired, but the standing helped me stay awake. Toward the very end, we got to sit down before finally leaving.

I slept well, and today I got up and had breakfast and a shower, before spending the entire afternoon writing this entry. Now I have to rush to get ready to go over to JW's. I still haven't shaved or ironed :S I guess I'll finish the last bit of this entry up tomorrow.

OK, it's tomorrow. Today. I met JW at her place. She wore a skirt, a nice shirt and a nice sweater. She put on her new coat and scarf. She looked beautiful, and I can't wait to see the pictures! Anyway, we headed over to Brewdebaker's for dinner, only a few minutes late. We got stuck at the end of a massive table, which wasn't the best for conversation. We both enjoyed our meals, and I had a couple of drinks. It was also E's birthday, and the cake made by JW's friend B was delicious.

After the meal, we all headed over to M & J's place. JW's old flame, C was there. They seemed to hit it off really well, and it scared me a bit at first, but it was just me being paranoid. I mellowed out a bit, and even felt like C might be a good guy. He reminds me very much of AB. JW seemed happy to see her friends, but as I later found out, she was having trouble having all of her friends, and some enemies, and me together under one roof. This made her seem distant, which of course bothered me. I purposely stayed away from her - I wanted her to have fun with her friends. When she left the room, I made sure not to leave right away. I tried to hang out with other people, and I'd rate my overall performance at "fair". The distance between us made it hard, but I got by.

Midnight eventually came, after some fun DVD games and good food. Everyone went outside to watch fireworks that the neighbours were setting off. Then we lit up our own far-less-impressive sparklers and had some fun twirling them around.

After coming inside, JW and I sat in the living room where a musical conversation broke out. I didn't contribute much, until we got to Radiohead, and I took the chance to gloat about having been to one of their concerts. I didn't know much about the other music they were playing, but I liked most of it. I think I need to download some Smashing Pumpkins, and perhaps some stuff done by the guitarist in Alexisonfire.

We left around 1:30, and JW drove us back to her place. On the way, we discussed her distance that evening. Ultimately, I came to understand it, and I no longer look on the evening in a negative light.

Happy New Year!

I'm currently listening to: "Gangbangin' 101", from "Tha Blue Carpet Treatment", by "Snoop Dogg".

Movies watched this week: "Better off Dead", "Dead Poet's Society", "Star Trek: Generations"